Hard decisions

One of the many things I have learned since I've become a parent is that it's filled with hard decisions.  Sometimes it just plain sucks.  There have been many times that I've wanted to do something fun but couldn't because of something they were getting punished for.  I am a big kid at heart so I want it to be fun fun fun all the time.  Truth is- someone has to be the grown up.  We drew straws and I got stuck with it.  Well guess what... we can't eat ice cream for dinner every night.  Oh how I wish that was the hardest decision I ever had to make.  Another thing you start to realize is the decisions that you make will mold them into the person they will someday become.  All you can do is the best you can and hope that everything will be fine.  Everyone knows Austin has been having a hard time.  For the longest time I blamed it on myself.  I thought  there was something else that I could do.  There had to have been something that I was missing that would make it all turn around and he would be fine.  Why couldn't he just listen?  Why couldn't he just focus.  It's not that hard.  Maybe for some kids it's not that hard, but for Austin it is.  Austin has a good heart.  He wants to listen.  He wants to make me happy.  He knows what he needs to do, but I have really come to the conclusion that he can't.  I'm not a doctor, obviously, but I know there is something wrong.  It's not a discipline problem.  It's definitely not like this because of lack of trying.  There is just something missing... something off.  I thought for a long time if I took him to the doctor and they told me he had to be on medication that I had failed.  I thought I should be able to fix it.  I avoided taking him because I didn't want them to tell me I was a failure.  Truth is- if there is something out there that will make his life easier, I am failing him by not allowing it to happen.  It's not about me.  It is about this sweet little boy that needs help.  He shouldn't have to be in trouble all the time.  He should be able to get green faces and have camp outs.  He is one of the two greatest things I have ever done and I should do everything in my power to help him be the best he can be.  Maybe he doesn't have ADHD, maybe it's something else, but whatever it is we need to know and we need help dealing with it.  I will get him whatever help he needs and do whatever I need to do.... for him